Well, this is it.
Nearly a month of pre-planning, writing drafts, etc, etc, I finally have the damn thing done. I was really worried throughout writing this, that I may have interpreted a character wrong, etc, something like that, or maybe I have the personality different..
I was also worried about the high expectations some may have. I really dont like to disappoint, and I hope this is recieved well, or at least, more well than the actual Scream 3(love it or hate).
And please bear with me, I had a lot of characters to deal with, plus the addition of chase and kill scenes, and stuff, so I couldnt give everyone equal screen time. PLEEEASE bear with me. PLEASE.
I also toyed around with everyone's fate a bit. If I have already told you your fate, I may have warped it a bit, but I didnt change anything too much drastically.
Enjoy, watch for Jay and Silent Bob.
OOH! I almost forgot. Because of uh.. oh I dont know.. THE MB ONLY HAVING ONE FEMALE PERSON I had to add Sidney Prescott and Gale Weathers into the mix (although they arent seen that much till the end)
Darkness. "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" music is blaring. AN OUTLINE of Jack appears, as the real Jack steps up to fill out the outline.
THE BLACK SCREEN disappears.
JACK: Good evening. I am Jack McVee, and tonight I present to you something so completely bizarre and perplexing, something so distorted and reality-altering, it would seriously damage and disturb millions around the world with horrific results... but the Producers of Jack McVee films have told me that it was too goddamn scary to show anyone, so we just threw together a sequel to a popular horror movie franchise. Enjoy.
We stare at a black screen for a couple of moments. DARK, RESONANT MUSIC echoes and awes in the background (like in the trailer). Everything is all tra-la-la and peaceful until..
A KNIFE suddenly slashes at the black screen. It bleeds instantly. WIDER revealing JACK (who is playing "Rick"), who touches his bloody shoulder of his black sweater, turns, then runs. THE KNIFE comes at him again, he dodges this time.
we are well aware now we are on a Hollywood set, namely, the one for STAB 3 - RETURN TO WOODSBORO.
DANIEL STRICKLAND, the director, watches contently as his cameras watches the chase.
"RICK" attempts to run up a large set of stairs, when he suddenly trips and falls flat on his face. The Ghostface person trips and falls on him.
Daniel rubs his throbbing temple, frustrated.
DANIEL: (loud bell rings) That's lunch, people..
The stunt person gets up and removes his mask. Jack gets up, also frustrated.
DANIEL: (walking toward him) Jack, that's the 3rd take, and you fell on your face AGAIN..
JACK: I hurt my leg a couple of days! Besides, Rick should've died in STAB HARDER.
DANIEL: Well he didn't, ok? I cant get a stunt person for you because the camera is following your face..
JACK: It's STUPID! Wil Kennison doesn't know how to write.
DANIEL: Dont let him hear you say that. You know his Little Speilbergs show is getting bad ratings, and that new show of his was cancelled, what's it called?
JACK: Who cares?
He walks/limps away, and approaches the lunch table, when
SOMEONE LEAPS OUT from the other side, scaring the shit straight out of him. It's ANGELINA TYLER, who plays Sidney in Stab 3.
JACK: Dammit, Angie..
ANGELINA: Jesus, why are you so jumpy?
JACK: This movie is pissing me off. I dont even know why I signed on to the sequel. There wasn't even a "Rick" in Windsor college.
ANGELINA: The big fat paycheck?
JACK: Well, yeah..
ANGELINA: Good luck. Dont let the fake blood go near your eye, though. Stings like hell.
JACK: I'll be sure to remember that.
EXT. HOLLYWOOD SET - HALLWAY
Angelina hums tunelessly to herself as she strides down the long corridor. She makes eyes at a male-model who passes her. She reaches her dressing room and enters.
INT. ANGELINA'S DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUING
Your standard dressing room, a couch, a bathroom, big glossy mirror with lights around it, closet, etc. There is a small tv on his dresser drawer that is playing a commercial for a certain Stab 2: Stab Harder video...
A knife suddenly rips through some glass, Tori Spelling (Sidney) screams out. Tori spelling ducks as a knife goes through a door, which was meant for her.
NARRATOR: Sidney's worst nightmare…
A car crashes in a construction site.
NARRATOR: …consumed with madness...
Randy (Seth Green) screams as a knife flashes across the screen.
NARRATOR: ..overflowing with screams...
Tori Spelling screams as a ghostface mask is seen in a reflection in a mirror.
NARRATOR: ...and back for more!!
There are some fancy quick cuts of people screaming, knives flashing, victims bleeding, guns shooting, etc, etc, etc.
NARRATOR: Revenge is best served blood red in..
Parker Posey (Gale) and Tori Spelling cling on to each other as a Ghostface runs toward them in the college theater. CUT TO Parker kneeling down, screaming like heck as she sees Randy's body cut up in her van (like Gale in Scream 2)
NARRATOR: STAB II: STAB HARDER!! NOW ON VIDEO AND DVD!!!!
A knife is hurled toward Freddie Prinze Jr. (Derek) as Tori Spelling and Sigourney Weaver (Debbie Salt) scream.
NARRATOR: This is gonna hurt..
Cici (Alicia Silverstone) shrieks as she is hurled out the frat house window, and plummets to the ground.
NARRATOR: ..even more.
SHOT OF The video and DVD.
NARRATOR: Now, with the documentary shooting of the hilarious movie-within movie of STAB HARDER, 'SLICE'!
BLACKOUT on the screen.
she walks toward her closet. She notices its slightly ajar. She tilts her head in confusion.
Top Story is on. Gale Weathers is sitting on the front desk.
GALE WEATHERS: Well, today is the final day of TOP STORY. I know.. I know.. your sad. But dont worry, kids! I will return this summer in my own interview show! Dont miss it! It's called, GALE… THE SHOW!
The Top Story theme plays, which is just a cheap blur of the Entertainment Tonight theme song.
glances at the tv then back at her closet. She approaches it and rips it open...
Angelina stops. She cant really see the entire closet.
ANGIE: Wil Kennison, I'm sorry that your new tv show was cancelled. But for the last time, stop hiding in my closet!
She sticks her head in to look deeper inside.
ANGIE: You're gonna jump out at me and stab me in the face now, huh?
Nope, no one is in her closet. Disappointed, she withdraws, just as her CELL PHONE rings. She speaks into it.
ANGIE: Angelina Tyler here.
Well whaddayaknow, it's the KILLER.
ANGIE: Roger Jackson? That sounds an awful lot like you.
MAN:(V.O.) I'm not Roger.
MAN:(V.O.) (slowly) Do you like scary movies?
ANGELINA: I'm gonna laugh at that, and blame you for not being so original…
MAN:(V.O.) Answer my question.
ANGELINA: (hangs up) Ass.
She turns to open the door…
WHEN SUDDENLY, A FIGURE
rushes from the attached bathroom, lunging at Angie.
HER POV: A flash of silver is thrust toward her. It strikes her, REVERSE SHOT - Amanda has been stabbed in the heart. She stands there, in shock, blood pours from her mouth.
The knife comes down again, and again, hard… she stares down at her white shirt.. blossoming crimson. The knife strikes across her chest a couple more times, she gasps for air.. everything turning red…
grabs her by the neck, and shoves her into her dressing room mirror, causing it to break into a million pieces. Pinned there, the killer stabs her a couple of more times. She falls, lifeless to the ground in a shower of her blood and broken glass shards.
The Figure, dressed in the standard ghost face costume, wipes off his bloody knife and exits the dressing room.
INT. HOLLYWOOD SIT - SAME
Everyone is getting ready to reshoot the scene. Jack is going over his lines. Daniel is positioning the cameras and lights, etc.
DANIEL: Roger! May I see Roger Jackson, please?
Roger Jackson (the phone voice) approaches Daniel.
ROGER JACKSON: Yeah?
DANIEL: Um, instead of you being just in the set where Jack is able to see you, I think the tension would be a lot greater if you were calling from the audio booth up there?(points to Plexiglas booth over the set) You cant hear anything from outside or inside, I'll call you on the mike that's in there. I want this to be a TOTAL Black Christmas homage.
ROGER JACKSON: Sure Mr. Strickland.
He heads off to the audio booth. Jack comes up to him.
JACK: Dan! My foot is killing me! Couldn't we just stop before we go to the chase scene?
DANIEL: Just try not to trip over your own two feet. (into the megaphone) Stuntman! Martin!
The Figure ominously enters the set and nods at Daniel. This obviously isn't "Martin" for we see a tiny bit of blood dripping from his knife.
THE P.A. comes running up to Daniel.
PA: Mr. Strickland, Parker Posey just hit Gale Weathers on the face.
He and the P.A. go off elsewhere. The Figure looks over and stares at Jack. Jack is rehearsing in his mind. The Figure looks up in the audio booth to see Roger Jackson also rehearsing. Jack looks up and watches The Figure go up.. then directs his attention to the script again.
INT. AUDIO BOOTH
Surrounded by Plexiglas walls, which hangs over the frat house set. Roger Jackson sits there with a phone, looking through the script. There's a knock on the door.
ROGER JACKSON: (distracted) Come in.
SUDDENLY THE DOOR IS THROWN OPEN
and The Figure comes charging inside.
INT. HOLLYWOOD SET - SAME
Daniel comes back to the set and speaks into this megaphone.
DANIEL: Ok, people. I'm back. Everyone ready. (speaks into a little mike that can be heard in the audio booth) Roger, ya ready?
Up in the audio booth, we see someone sticking up there thumb.
INT. AUDIO BOOTH
In actuality, its just the Figure sticking up his thumb. Roger Jackson lays on the floor, a large red gash across his stomach and throat. The Figure picks up the cordless phone and waits.
INT. HOLLYWOOD SET
Everyone gets ready. Daniel looks at the lighting. Jack is in position, sitting on the couch, phone to his ear.
DANIEL: Cue lights. (some lights go on, some go off) Cue Camera. (someone snaps those scissor board things in front of one of the cameras) Action.
CAMERA FOLLOWING "DEREK" as he gabs on the phone.
"RICK": (into phone) No way, Buffy kicked his ass into hell. Xander didn't tell her either. Isn't he an ass? (call waiting) Hold on. (switches over) Omega Beta Zeta Freta Delta Chi Meda Alfreta Sigma Fi Lambdas. Derek speaking.
A pause. ON DANIEL
DANIEL: (silently) Cue Camera 2. Tight shot of his face.
A CAMERA goes by Derek and zooms in on his face.
MAN:(V.O.) Who is this?
"RICK": Are you calling for someone?
MAN: (V.O.) Yeah.
"RICK": Who might that be?
MAN: (V.O.) You.
ON DANIEL "RICK" and the P.A., the PA is going through the script, she looks confused.
PA: (quietly) Mr. Strickland, Roger isn't following the script..
BACK ON THE SET
Jack looks confused, too.
MAN: (V.O.) Are you alone in the house?
"RICK": (trying to imrpov) Uh.. yes..
ON DANIEL AND THE PA
DANIEL: (whispering back) That's ok, Roger has done Imrpov before, he was even a part of that group.. what.. uh.. The Grounders? The groundings?..
BACK ON JACK
MAN: (V.O.) Would you like to die, 'Rick'?
Jack glances at Daniel, as if he was saying 'this fucker isn't saying his lines properly!'. Daniel just smiles and gives him a thumbs up, as if telling Jack 'just keep going! this is gold!'.
"RICK": Who is this?? Well, I have been through this before! I'm calling campus security!
ANGLE ON THE AUDIO BOOTH
The Figure, with the phone and distorter to his mouth, begins silently marching down the stairs to the set. No one can see this.
MAN: (V.O.) When I find you, I'm going to rip your guts out.. Jack..
Jack's eyes go wide, as the phone line goes dead. Everyone is silent. SUDDENLY The Figure comes flying out from nowhere and charges at Jack. He manages a scream, not knowing what to do. He turns around and heads toward the stairs. Surprisingly, he doesn't fall. The Figure chases him, knife in hand.
The PA is a bit angry at Roger Jackson for not following the lines. She gets up off her chair and moves toward the stairs leading to the audio booth.
DANIEL: Cue cameras upstairs..
INT. UPSTAIRS - FRAT HOUSE - HOLLYWOOD SET
A camera watches as Jack runs, a little confused and the Figure grabs him by the hair and shoves the knife deeply into his back. HE SCREAMS OUT.. realizing that the man who is stabbing him isn't Martin the stuntguy.
With an incredible surge of adrenaline he punches the Figure hard on his masked face. He takes off, staggering with pain down the hallway. The figure hurls himself after Jack, grabs him neck, and slams the poor guy into the wall.. really hard.
INT. STAIRWAY - TO AUDIO BOOTH
The PA reaches the top of the stairs and clears her throat. She knocks on the door, not noticing the blood dripping from the bottom of the threshold.
INT. AUDIO BOOTH
The PA comes inside and closes the door behind her. Roger is nowhere to be seen.
INT. UPSTAIRS - FRAT HOUSE - THE SET
He slams Jack into the wall again, and again. The Figure throws Jack to the ground. Meanwhile, the CAMERA MAN is recording it.. not knowing that this is really going on. Jack scrambles away, but The Figure grabs and stabs him in the stomach a couple of times.
INT. AUDIO BOOTH - SAME
PA takes another step forward, then slips and goes down.. hard. She coughs, stands, and realizes she just slipped in BLOOD. She looks over in terror and sees ROGER JACKSON stuffed under a table, gutted.
INT. UPSTAIRS - FRAT HOUSE - SAME
Jack has been stabbed several more times. Ala Casey Becker in Scream, Jack reaches up, in his final death throes, and grabs the mask of the Figure.
But before he can get it off, and before The Cameraman records it, the Figure punches him hard, throws him down the stairs, and re-adjusts his mask.
INT. AUDIO BOOTH - SAME
SHE SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER
Paralyzed with fear at the gruesome sight. SHE SCREAMS AGAIN. Since its an audio booth, no one in the set below can hear her. She turns around, rips open the door and lunges down the stairs.
INT. FRAT HOUSE - HOLLYWOOD SET - SAME
Everyone watches as the bloody Jack is thrown down the stairs. Some crew begin to whisper among themselves.
AT THE AUDIO BOOTH STAIRS,
The PA runs frantically down them, but trips herself and falls into ..
Metal hooks and tarps hang all around her. She gets up, and sees blood on the floor. A body hangs from the hook. A dead face. Duct tape covers the mouth. The body is bound in rope. The insides… on the outside. GUTTED. It's Martin Coreman, the stunt man! SHE SCREAMS.
INT. FRAT HOUSE - SET - SAME
THE PA comes frantically running up to DANIEL.
PA: MR. STRICKLAND!! MR. STRICKLAND!!
The Figure comes rushing down them and raises the knife above Jack, who's dying right before everyone's eyes..
THE PA begins to shake Daniel.
PA: DANIEL! THAT'S NOT MARTIN!
DANIEL: Wait.. wait..
Jack tries to yell.. but everything around him is getting blurry. The Figure raises the knife one more time..
She dashes through the sets of cameras and lighting and runs onto the frat house platform, when…
THE KNIFE COMES DOWN…
…just as Jack is about to scream, the long, slender, bloodied blade is punctured deep into Jack's throat, silencing him. The Figure wipes off his knife and watches JACK die. He ominously steps disappears down one of the halls.
THE PA: STOP HIM!! SOMEBODY…
THE PA clamps her mouth with her hands, her face as white as a sheet. She takes a step back and SCREAMS.
DANIEL: (shaken) Cut... Jack? Jack?
Jack lies there, a pool of blood forming underneath him.
DANIEL: Oh my god..
Some crew members scream. Paramedics rush toward the bloody pulp. Daniel Strickland puts his hands on his head. The PA faints. The set has become a madhouse.
ARIEL SHOT OF JACK
We watch his still, dead body. We start off with a close-up of his eye, then we slowly back away, revealing his bloody body. Very similar to the effect used in PSYCHO with Janet Leigh. The Ghostface Figure is long gone.
Yet again, we are faced with a black screen. The exact same echoing music tolls in the background. Whisps of white slowly curve into lines as they flow across the screen like smoke rising(like in the trailer). We are teased like this for a few moments, when the white lines, whisps, and curves connect, until we realize we are staring into a
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - EARLY MORNING
We watch a marvelous CRANE SHOT of this busy street. Filled to the brim with passing cars, late employees, hookers, etc. "UNFORGETFULL YOU" by Matthew Sweet on the Soundtrack.
A CAR PASSES BY US.
We catch a glimpse inside…
INT. CAR - MOVING SHOT
Taking the drivers seat, is CODY. A smart, intelligent likeable guy. Much like Randy, he 'elevates geek to coolness'. Sitting next to him, browsing through the early morning edition of the Hollywood Informer is JH, his very best friend. Slightly older than Cody, but still a large movie freak.
JH: Shit, did you read what happened yesterday?!
CODY: (focused on the road) If it doesn't concern Cindy Crawford I don't care.
JH: (ignoring that) Four people were hacked to bits on our set. God, I am SO GLAD we took yesterday off.
CODY: (surprised) No shit?
JH: No shit. We're talking TOTAL 'Hollywood's New Blood'!
CODY: Who bit it?
JH: Officials didn't release anything an--
THE CAR COMES TO A SCREECHING HALT
as Cody steps on the brakes. Jh is thrown forward, and bangs his head on the dashboard.
JH: Shit! (rubs his head) I didn't think it worried you THAT much.
CODY: (stoic) No! Its Gale Weathers..
JH follows Cody's glance out of the windshield. Just like he said, there's Gale Weathers, reporting live (and without those icky pixie bangs she had in the real Scream 3, yuck!).
smiling cheesily in front of the camera.
GALE WEATHERS: (CONTD from whatever she was saying) …and the only name they have released on the victim list is Jack McVee, who was the young, fresh director behind last year's bomb, PAUL, but also January's sleeper, DELIVER US SOME MAIL - PAUL 2. No suspects as of yet, but the LAPD, CIA and FBI are sure to snag the killer before he is able to strike again. I'm feeling a little déjà vu. (corny laugh) We'll be back after this advertisement for my new book… STABBED IN THE BACK - THE DWIGHT RILEY STORY.
CAMERAMAN: …And we're out.
GALE: (quickly loosing façade) Thank god.
She quickly lights up a cigarette and walks toward the liquor store just behind her.
INT. KICKBUTT PRODUCTIONS STUDIO - A LITTLE LATER - FRONT OFFICE
JH and Cody hurriedly burst through the double doors and enter the front office. The secretary smiles her big whites at them.
SECRETARY: Are you here for Mr. Strickland?
CODY: No lady, we're here for the PLAYGIRL shoot.
She smiles at them again, maybe with a hint of sarcasm, and presses a button to let them pass through the glass doors behind her.
INT. DANIEL'S OFFICE - SAME
Daniel is hurriedly scribbling something down on a notepad in his large spacious office. The walls are covered with posters of his previous works, such as POWERPLAY and KNIGHTRIDER, and now STAB 3.
A knock on the door. He doesn't look up.
JH :(O.S.) We know you're in there, man.
DANIEL: (frustrated) FINE. Come in.
The door expectantly opens. JH and Cody come bursting inside.
CODY: Yo man, is this shit real? Did… did Jack die?
DANIEL: (uninterested) Mmm-hmm. So did Angelina. So did Martin Coreman. So did Roger L. Jackson. Four fucking people died on my set. One even died right before everyone's eyes.
The three of them are silent.
DANIEL: Rob Yeinerstein is halting production, and delaying for another couple of months till this whole thing is figured out.
JH: (quiet) Why would someone do this? I bet the killers' motive is more fucking bizarre than…(thinks)…
CODY: … Happy Birthday to Me. Or perhaps Splatter University. Or Cheerleader Camp. Or SLEEPAWAY Camp. Or The Soundstage Massacre.
JH: (sarcastic) Yeah, who could forget THAT movie.
Daniel eyes the both of them and slips through the open doorway.
DANIEL:(O.S.) Why do you two treat everything like one big fucking horror movie…
EXT. KICKBUTT PRODUCTIONS STUDIOS - STUDIO LOT
Daniel goes through the opening doors and trudges down the steps leading toward the parking lot. Immediately, dozens of reporters appear from every side of him.
REPORTER #1: Do you feel responsible for the murders…
REPORTER #2: Did you know the victims personally?
REPORTER #1: … I mean, c'mon, a 100 people were watching filming while Mr. McVee was stabbed, and no one did anything?
REPORTER #3: Is it true you were dating Angelina Tyler during filming?
REPORTER #4: Do I look fat in this suit?
REPORTER #5: Whats the REAL story behind you and Demi Moore?
REPORTER #4: I mean it! Do I look fat in this suit or not?!
More questions come flying at him. He takes the easy way out…
DANIEL: (pointing) HEY, ITS SIDNEY PRESCOTT!
Everyone immediately turns to see where he pointing. He easily slips out.
INT. APARTMENT - LATER
Sidney Prescott, 22 years of age, is still in the morning trudges. She's got that hard-edged look of a survivor plastered across her face.
Making toast, she eyes her small BLARING TV carefully.
NEWSREPORTER: While filming a crucial scene to the anticipated horror sequel, STAB 3 - RETURN TO WOODSBORO, young horror-miester Jack McVee, who had written and Directed last month's He Knows Why Your Asleep - Paul 3, was killed, and in a rather ironic way. While he, and apparently everyone else thought he was filming his character's death scene, turned out to be his funeral, when in a rather strange turn of events, he was stabbed brutally in his stomach, back and once to the lower throat. Since that is his exact death in the script, the cast and crew never suspected his death. Also dead, are legends Angelina Tyler, who has had a part in one of McVee's films, the SANDMAN, and Roger Coreman, stuntperson, who was expected to work on Star Wars Episode Two. Those three, as well as 'Scary Phone Voice' Roger L. Jackson were found dead. It is suspected that more than one murderer was on the set, since it's nearly impossible for four people to be killed by the same person, and kept a secret, within the span of 10 minutes.
jaw dropped upon. Shocked. Her heart thumping like mad. She JUMPS as her toaster goes off. Slowly, Sid moves toward the telephone, picks it up, and begins dialing. While she waits for whomever to answer, she glances off to a mantle across the room.
ANGLE ON MANTLE
Many different pictures. Many of young Sidney, a couple of her mother, one of Tatum and Randy together, one with a picture of Billy (with two toothpicks stuck in each eye) and one of her father. And there's one of the edge.. one of Jack??
INT. LAPD STATION - LATER
A madhouse at best. Cops everywhere. Phones ringing off their hooks. People shouting, moving, running all over the place. THE CAMERA eventually settles on Deputy SMG, a young, fresh officer, and Chief of Police Joshua Davidson, while empowering, is a stumbling geek at heart.
DEPUTY SMG: 5 hours into the day and we don't have ANY leads?
CHIEF DAVIDSON: We have one… Jack McVee is Sidney Prescott's cousin. Other than that, no leads so far.
DEPUTY SMG: Her cousin? Why the hell would the killer want him?
CHIEF DAVIDSON: (getting annoyed) That's what we're trying to FIND OUT, SMG. And besides, what's your real name?
DEPUTY SMG: It IS my real name.
CHIEF DAVIDSON: (blank stare) Ok.
POLICE OFFICER #1 comes walking up to them.
OFFICER #1: Chief, we got a surprise guest waiting for you.
CHIEF DAVIDSON: Surprise guest? Send 'em in.
The office nods offscreen, and a moment later SIDNEY comes walking up to them.
CHIEF DAVDISON: (shocked) Miss Prescott. What are you doing here?
SIDNEY: Mr. SMG asked me to come on by. (to SMG) By the way, I'm sorry about Cici's death, she told me about your marriage plans.
His nods, frowning, sad.
CHIEF DAVIDSON: Have a seat, Miss. Prescott.
She takes a chair at Josh's desk.
EXT. BLANK SCREEN - SAME
After a few moments, the screen turns a really light, hyper-looking pink. Extremely cheesy music starts as we see the words
The screen suddenly switches from pink to the grounds of the Kickbutt Productions studio lot (outside where Stab 3 was filming). Blocking most of the picture is..
You guessed it, GALE WEATHERS. Still slightly black hearted... not much has really changed since the last time we saw her.
GALE: (cheesy smile, holding a mike) Hi! I'm Gale Weathers! Welcome to my show! Right now I am outside of The Kickbutt Studio lot where the much anticipated STAB 3: RETURN TO WOODSBORO is currently filming! I'm here live, with Parker Posey, who is playing Cassie Barrymore! Hi Parker! Parker? PARKER! (snaps fingers in front of Parker's face)
PARKER: Huh? Oh! Yeah! Hi!
GALE: Parker, what is it like filming STAB 3?
PARKER: Its really grea--
GALE: And how did you feel when you got the part of me?
PARKER: Well, -
GALE: I see. What's your take on the recent murders on the Stab 3 set?
PARKER: It's very sa--
GALE: Fantastic! We'll be right back after this commercial, promoting the re- release of STAB, in honor of STAB 3! Of course, as we all know, I wrote, produced and cast Stab as well as Stab 2: The Wrath of Ghost- Face!
PARKER: Didn't Stab 2 fail horribly at the box--
GALE: CUT TO COMMERCIAL!!
The Cameraman shakes his head and wanders off to the newsvan for a break. Gale glares at Parker Posey.
PARKER: What? It's not like you gave ME anything to say.
GALE: Listen Parker, this show is about me, not you! You better check your conscience at the door, sweetie.
She begins to walk away.
PARKER: (frustrated) Why do you always say that? What does it even mean? I dont even KNOW why Daniel chose me for the job, putting up with BITCHES like YOU!!
Gale gives her the finger without even looking at her.
INT. STUDIO - LATER
Sidney is walking down the hallway of this busy Studio, when she comes upon JH.
JH: (holding out his hand) Welcome, Madame, I am your esteemed Studio Tour Guide. If you have any questions, any questions at all, direct them to me, and I will be more than ha--
SIDNEY: (interrupting him) Just tell me where Cody Hamman is.
JH: Cody Hamman? And why may I ask, would you like to speak with him?
SIDNEY: An old friend of Randy Meeks. I just need some... advice.
JH: Sure thing, (points) his office is right down that hallway.
SIDNEY: Thank you.
She heads off in the direction, JH peers after her, then walks the other way.
INT. STREETS - LATER
JH is walking down the sidewalk.
JAY: (O.S.) Shithead!
JH spins around.
JH :(shocked) JAY?!
to reveal Jay and Silent Bob.
JH: Jesus.. what are you guys doing here in Hollywood??
JAY: Me and this pussy here just wanted to see how you're doing.
Silent Bob nods.
JH: Well, I'm doing great.
JAY: You got a chick, or something?
JH: Well uh…
JAY: Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot.
JH: Naw, I'm dedicated to my job.
JAY: (laughing to Silent Bob) Did you hear what that Shithead just said?
Silent Bob shrugs.
JH: (to Jay) How come he never talks? I don't know ANYTHING about him..
SILENT BOB: Bitch, what you don't know about me I can just about squeeze in the Grand fucking Canyon. (leaves)C'mon, J.
JAY: Well, uh, seeya man.
JH: Yeah, later.
INT. CODY'S OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER
Sidney sits down, drinking a cup of water, glancing around Cody's office. Its pretty standard. A desk, a phone, a computer. Plastered around the walls are posters of Stab, Stab 2, Halloween, Black Christmas, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, April Fools Day, House, Wes Craven's New Nightmare, Friday the 13th, and many other slasher movies.
CODY: Welcome to my home away from home. (going through some papers) I was lucky to coax Daniel into getting me a job as co-producer and an actor. What are the odds?
SIDNEY: (glancing around the walls) Your certainly the horror movie fan?
CODY: (laughing) Yeah, you could say that. When Randy first showed me There's Nothing Out There, horror films became a passion of mine.
He sits on his desk, and looks at Sidney.
SIDNEY: Cody… is this happening again?
CODY: I.. I don't know. I really hope it isn't, but if you want my opinion, yes… I think it is.
SIDNEY: (looking at her feet, trying to laugh) I think Bruce Willis in his DIE HARD movies said it best.. "Why does this keep happening to me?".
CODY: I'm not trying to be rude, Sid, but you're a serial killer magnet.
SIDNEY: (now laughing) That doesn't offend me. I know its true. As much as I don't like saying it, I'm Jamie Lee Curtis.
CODY: Lets see, first its Woodsboro.. then its Windsor College.. then its Hollywood? Garsh, you sure do know how to bring fun to every town you go to.
SIDNEY: I guess so. (pauses) What do you know about trilogies?
CODY: (confused) Excuse me?
SIDNEY: I.. I had a friend. He knew absolutely everything there was to horror movies. He taught me rules.. how to survive in certain settings of a horror movie. But, (sheepishly laughs) I broke rule #1, and I'm still standing, which confuses me.
CODY: You're the heroine. Laurie Strode broke a rule; smoked pot in Halloween, and she lived.
SIDNEY: She died in a car crash.
CODY: She faked her death.
CODY: But listen, the thing about trilogies is.. all bets are off.
SIDNEY: All bets are off?
CODY: But it isn't exactly a good choice for you to be sticking around the third time around. Heroines almost never make it the third time around. Heather in Nightmare Part 3 for example, or Sigourney Weaver in Alien 3. They died.
SIDNEY: Thank you very much Cody, the feelings of insecurity, isolation and fear are now totally gone!
CODY: Sorry, Sid, but you asked me what I knew about trilogies..
SIDNEY: (sighs, puts her hand on her head) For the past three years, people have been isolating me. They've been ignoring and ignoring me in fear that they might become my friend. As everyone knows, if you're my friend, you die. Especially now. That's why people like Dewey and Gale…
CODY: But they survived the entire trilogy with you. (leaning closer) Look Sid, the heroine survives the original. That's 97% right all the time. Its sort of a toss up with the sequel. Aliens, Halloween 2, Terminator 2, the original heroines returned, and survived. However, with Friday The 13th Part 2 they had an entirely different heroine cuz they killed the original in the opening sce…
SIDNEY: (getting frustrated) If you wanted to discuss sequels, you should have talked to me when I was in college, ok?
CODY: Ok, fine. Uh.. Halloween 3 doesn't really count. Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3 - Dream Warriors, as I was saying a few moments ago, killed the heroine. Strangely, it was a good choice to me. Not because I don't like Heather Lagenkamp, god forbid, she got me through puberty…
CODY: Ok! I'm getting to the point. What I'm basically saying is that there is an irregular pattern of the way trilogies are made. Some have the original survivors live and some have them die. And like I said before... all bets are off.
EXT. LUSH VALLEY CEMETARY - MID AFTERNOON
FADE IN ON A gray looking afternoon. A small hill overlooks a wide valley beyond. A tiny group of FAMILY and FRIENDS of Jack surrounds, watching as his casket is lowered into his grave. All dressed in black.
A MINISTER watches soberly.
MINISTER: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. May God be with Jack McVee's soul.
ON THE FACES OF JH, CODY, SIDNEY, DANIEL, JACK'S PARENTS AND RELATIVES, and OTHER FRIENDS. All watching with teary eyes. Sidney stares ahead for miles, as if no one else were there.
MINISTER: This young man's departure into heaven mustn't be a time of remorse.. but a time of joy. The lord will treat this man the way he has been treating others.. with loving care. May he rest in peace.
THE MOURNERS walk away from the grave.
INT. JH'S OFFICE - KICKBUTT STUDIOS - LATER
JH is typing up his latest script, staring at the screen with piercing determination.
ON SCREEN - (the title) DAWN OF THE FREAKED OUT MEGALOMANIAC
passes by into his office. He doesn't look good. Dark rings under his eyes. Visible stress is painted across his face. Hasn't slept in days.
DANIEL: Hey man, what are you writing up this time?
JH: It's a spoof of my OWN writings. (typing feverishly)
DANIEL: (rubbing his forehead) Uh huh. Look man, the suits upstairs said we could shoot one more scene before we close production.
JH: Aren't they gonna close it permanently.
DANIEL: We're gonna start it again in a few months. You know, till this whole killer thing cools down.
JH: Sure, man.
DANIEL: And also, be careful what you say, because Sidney Prescott is in the studios.
JH: Yeah, I know...
DANIEL: So dont dress up as Ghostface and scare her, ok?
DANIEL: ...and dont like, go all 'When A Stranger Calls' on her, too, ok?
JH: I wont..
DANIEL: And dont -
JH: Look Daniel, I wont! Alright! Just go and film. Don't go all bonkers. I'm sure... you know.. Sid will be able to banish her fear with me by her side.. (giggles)
DANIEL: And on THAT note..
Daniel leaves to his set.
INT. STAB 3 SET - A LITTLE LATER
Everyone's getting ready to shoot the final scene of production. There is an utterly large replica of WOODSBORO HIGH SCHOOL standing before us. Cameramen, grips, boom mike artists, lighting, etc are all getting ready. So are the actors, too. (Including J. Smith, Cody and SMG)
Daniel strides onto set.
DANIEL: Ok, people, roll call. Dewey?
J. SMITH: ..here..
DANIEL: ... and Dewey's stand in?
SMG: Right here.
J. Smith comes walking up to Daniel, not too pleased.
J. SMITH: You know Daniel, I dont appreciate my character being written out so... largely. Isn't Sidney the center of the film?
DANIEL: What are you talking about? Sidney is practically in every scene.
J. SMITH: Hello! The re-write Gale Weathers did has GALE WEATHERS and her Deputy Doofus Ding-Dong Dumb-Dumb Downright-'Duuuh?' Headed boyfriend Dewey as the main characters! Its like Sid isn't even IN the movie!
DANIEL: Look, J. Smith, I know you dont like it, hell, neither do I, but Gale Weathers -
STAGE HAND: Mr. Strickland, we're ready to shoot.
DANIEL: (quickly to J. Smith) Look, this is supposed to be a dramatic scene, ok? Just pretend that.. well.. your really Sidney.
INT. HALLWAYS - STUDIO
JH leads, Sidney rushes behind him. They walk down the seemingly endless corridor, until they come upon double doors, with a label marked
"SET LOCATION #487-B: STAB 3, RETURN TO WOODSBOROA"
SIDNEY: Woodsboroa? (Stops) God.. I cant believe that they were SO inconsiderate to even SPELL the name of my Home-town correctly! Its like -
JH: Ok! Chill! That's a typo. Don't go all Dr. Loomis on me.
He takes out a card, strikes it across a security access box on the side of the door, punches in a password, inserts the card into a slit in the door, unlocks a lock, punches in a combination, then they open.
walks onto the set, bewildered. JH wanders over to the Kraft service tables. Daniel turns around to see her.
DANIEL: Sid! Hey!
Sidney smiles weakly and comes walking up toward them.
SIDNEY: Hey.. (looks around) Wow.. deja voodoo.
Looking through the large hallways of her high school.
SIDNEY: You guys really nailed it to the wall with this one, huh?
J: Pretty nostalgic, I'm guessing?
SIDNEY: You could say that..
J glances at Daniel and trots off to take position.
DANIEL: Ok, Sid, here's the scene we're doing (hands her that particular excerpt of the script) and you can have the directors chair (scoots it toward her)
SIDNEY: (smiling) Thank you, Mr. Strickland.
DANIEL: (smiling back) Call me Daniel. (shooting to the set in his bullhorn) Ok people, pick up the pace! Fangoria is really shoving us down their throats!
walks up behind Sidney. She stops.
GALE: (shocked) Hello, Sidney.
Sidney freezes in her chair.
SIDNEY: (turns around) Gale?
Gale smiles weakly.
SIDNEY: (looking around) Where's your camera, Gale?
A burn. Comes out of nowhere. Gale is silent.
GALE: What are you doing here?
SIDNEY: To watch the last shoot.
Sidney just stares through Gale's betraying eyes.
GALE: I figured, that with the killer on the loose, you'd wanna stay out of the fire.
SIDNEY: What can I say, I'm a risk taker. What are YOU doing here?
GALE: A project for my new show.. TOP ENTERTAINMENT.
She turns back to her chair and sits. Gale just glares at her and walks toward the lunch tables. Sid turns to Daniel.
SIDNEY: I thought you paid Gale to keep her mouth shut about the Stab 3 murders.
DANIEL: Let's just say, not all the money in the world will shut up Gale Weathers.
SIDNEY: Yeah, she's awfully loud for such a small person.
GALE: (O.S.) I HEARD THAT!!!!!!
A moment. Daniel glances at Sid then turns back to his set.
Sidney shifts uneasily in her chair. She glances at the script, ready to follow along.
DANIEL: Ok, remember, this is rehearsal… Action.
J. SMITH("SIDNEY"): (intentionally cheesy and melodramatic) Well Dewey, its just that.. I don't know if I can handle being back here in my hometown, in WOODSBORO! Its just too much to handle, especially being here, where it all started!!!
ON SIDNEY glancing at the script, everything is going fine… GALE takes a sip out of her coffee, its cold, she SPITS IT OUT on the floor. Everything stops, and everyone turns to her.
GALE: Sorry.. but this COFFEE IS TOO GODDAMN COLD! (Sidney looks at her) AND I AM **NOT** LOUD!! (catches herself, stops, repeats) I am not loud.
ON DANIEL.. rubbing his temple.. clearly annoyed. He clears his throat and speaks into his megaphone.
DANIEL: Ok people, restart. Action!
J. SMITH ("SIDNEY"): (AGAIN intentionally cheesy and melodramatic) Well Dewey, its just that.. I don't know if I can handle being back here in my hometown, in WOODSBORO! Its just too much to handle, especially being here, where it all started!!!
CODY ("DEWEY"): But Sidney, you need to realize that, in order for you to survive the future, you must look into the PAST!! Now, we have to search around for clues in this contrived dark and creepy abandoned high school! (fake thunder booms outside) Egads! It's a thunderstorm!!!
J. SMITH ("SIDNEY"): Oh NO!
Cody comes closer to J. Smith with a fake limp.
CODY ("DEWEY"): We need to stick together! And remember, nobody panic!
THE LIGHTS GO OUT, J. Smith and Cody scream and jump closer together.
ON GALE, tasting some HOT coffee. Sidney glances through the script, everything is going according to plan.. but..
THE FIGURE (which we will from now on call GHOSTFACE) is sneaking around behind the actors.
ON SIDNEY, she goes through the scene on paper.. it doesn't say anything about THAT!
CODY ("DEWEY"): Dammit! I think the thunder storm blew the power!!
J. SMITH ("SIDNEY"): OH, THE HORROR!!
GHOSTFACE comes closer behind them, knife raised…
WHEN SIDNEY SCREAMS OUT,
knocking back her chair, causing everyone to jump out of there skin.
SIDNEY: BEHIND YOU!!
Cody and J. Smith turn around, and see the Ghostface.
J: Yeah, so?
SIDNEY is dumbfounded. The Ghostface peels off his mask, to reveal a STUNTMAN, as confused as everyone. Gale looks at Sidney.
GALE: Sidney, what's wrong?
SIDNEY: B.. but..
DANIEL comes up to her.
DANIEL: Sid, its.. its in the script. (glances at hers) Gale did a re-write where the killer sneaks up on them. You have an old copy.
Sidney looks around. A sea of staring faces.
EXT. KICKBUTT STUDIOS - PARKING LOT - CONTINUING
SIDNEY BURSTS OUT OF the studios, holding her tears back, rushing to her car. DANIEL is rushing after her.
DANIEL: Sid! Sid! Are you ok?
He catches up to her and turns her around.
SIDNEY: I thought I could handle this, Dan! I really did..
DANIEL: You were just a little spooked, that's all.
SIDNEY: Look... I appreciate your help. I'm just gonna... lay low for a little while. I'm gonna do what I should've done in Windsor College.. and I'm gonna go crawl under a rock. I'm not going to risk another attack.
DANIEL: If that's what you think is best.
SIDNEY: I couldn't escape Woodsboro. I couldn't escape Windsor. But I can escape this. I'm sorry Daniel. You've been great. Tell Gale I said bye.
He sadly watches her get into her car, and drive off out of sight.
INT. STEVE MICHAEL'S APARTMENT - LATER
A sorry little high-school educated jerk named Steve Michael is typing away feverishly, laughing to himself as he thinks up some glamorous insult.
STEVE: Telling him he's a prick? THAT'S PURE BRILLIANCE!!!!! (laughs heartily) GAWD-DAMN I'M SO BRILLIANT! AHAHAHAHA AHAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He logs off the internet and begins eating some rotten-left over Chinese food from weeks ago.
STEVE: Hehee… I'm so damn funny…
His Garfield phone rings. He goes to pick it up.
STEVE: What do you want?
MAN: (V.O.) Hello… 'Steve'.
STEVE: WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU MOTHER FUCKING GAY HOMO!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!
MAN: (V.O.) I just wanna talk.
STEVE: Then go phone your boyfriend, MOTHER FUCKGAYCUNTSHITPISSASSHOLE!!!!!!!!
MAN: (V.O.) Why so vulgar?
MAN: (V.O.) If you think your so brilliant.. how about a quiz??
STEVE: What kind of quiz.. YOU FUCKING HOMO SHIT HOLE?!??!!??!
MAN: (V.O.) About scary movies. You game?
STEVE: You cant fool me, YOU MOTHER FUCKING PRICK SON OF A WHORE-BITCH ASSHOLE!! It was… (pause) … uh…
MAN:(V.O.) Oh come on, please don't leave me hanging.
STEVE: (after a long pause) …Leatherface??
MAN: (V.O.) (he almost seems to be surprised) I don't believe it… someone actually (now he seems to be talking to someone off-phone) got it wrong on the first try.
STEVE: heheheee… I'm so god damn smart, funny and handsome!! Teehee.. the KING OF ROOM SERVICE!!!!
Ghostface runs up him and stabs him fiercely in the throat. Steve coughs up blood, as Ghostface grabs him and shoves his face into a window.
ON STEVE'S FACE
all bloody and disfigured.
STEVE: GOD DAMN!!! YOU NEED A LIFE!!! TEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEHEEEEEEEE!!
Ghostface brutally shoves his face into the broken shards and impales his head on one. He then kicks him on his ass and his body FALLS..
EXT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT - NIGHT - SAME
…13 stories and (literally) splatters all over the ground below. Silence.
INT. STARBUCKS COFFEE - THE NEXT DAY
Large, spacious and unique. A busy line in front of the cash register. Tons of chatter. Cody and JH take their steaming cups of coffee and snag an empty table, seated in front of a complimentary blaring TV.
CODY: I swear man, if this IS happening a third time, why to us? Makes no sense whatsoever.
JH: Since when do serial killers need to make sense? We've seen enough slasher movies to know. I mean, take Black Christmas and Final Exam. We NEVER found out who the killer was or what his/her motive was.
CODY: There's always a motive for this kinda shit. Billy and Stu.. Mickey and Mrs. Loomis..
JH: May I remind you Stu's motive was BS. 'Peer pressure'? Oh please. He was just skitzo if you ask me. (takes a sip of coffee) Ew. (takes out a can of Pepsi and begins pouring it in)
CODY: Oh jeez, you're gross.
JH: What? It gives it a little zing which normal coffee is missing. (beat) What were we talking about again? Oh yes, motives.
CODY: Yeah, will what about Mickey? Do you actually think his little speech about media causing him to go nuts was actually the truth?
JH: Its possible. At least it wasn't 'peer pressure'. But what would the killer's motive be the third time around?
CODY: I dunno. The way I see it, someone wants to make a trilogy.
JH: Are you kidding? The third part almost always sucks, or at least pales in comparison to the first two.
JH: Return of the Jedi. DUH.
JH: Army of Darkness.
JH: Child's Play 3!
CODY: That doesn't count.
JH: Why not?
CODY: It had a fourth sequel.
JH: Well it still sucked. (thinks) How about Die Hard With a Vengeance?
CODY: No way, man, that was cool.
JH: Cool? Can you say Xeroxed rehash?
CODY: (turning to the tv as the ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT theme plays) Ooh. Leggy Hart.
MARY HART: HI! Welcome back to Entertainment Tonight! I'm here with Sidney Prescott.. and no, I dont mean Tori Spelling! (laughs really hyperly, then suddenly turns serious) So Sidney, what got you OUT of hiding and back into the game when you chose to visit the set of Scream 3?
SIDNEY: Well Mary, a good friend of mine, Cody Hamman, was working on THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT CARRIE, which I'm guessing is the Farley Brother's version of Carrie.. but anyway.. (clears her throat) I've been telling him how I can show America that I'm not a spineless, weak person that they've perceived me to be. I mean, what I went through was extremely hard.. a lot of people would just kill themselves if they've went through what I have. (Mary Hart nods, pretending to pay attention) So, I asked him if I could help out with the making of Stab 2.. but there wasn't any chance on that, so he spoke to Wil Kennison and Ces Waven, and they agreed I could help out, or at least, you know, watch the production of Stab 3. But as it turns out, Ces didn't sign on for Stab 3.. he was done with the genre. I'm sure we all remember his wonderful films, like, First Apartment on the Right, Shlocker, The Turpentine Under The RainDoe, Nightterror on Evergreen Terrace.. and my favorite being his non genre film, Used-Stick of the Heart, which starred the wonderful Meryl Streep as that violin teacher... or something..
BACK ON CODY AND JH
JH: 'Used-Stick Of the Heart'? What kind of title is that for a film? Its bad enough Gloria Estafan and N Sync are on the soundtrack.
CODY: I didn't know Sid let entertainment tonight interview her.
JH: I guess she changed her mind. (gulps down the last of his Pepsi)
JH'S CELL PHONE RINGS.
They both stop. JH reluctantly answers.
JH: Jon Hodges Taxatorium. You kill em we grill em.
DANIEL: (O.S.) Do you like scary movies?
JH: Excuse moi?
DANIEL:(O.S.) I'm kidding, man. We're having a wrap up party here at the set. Why dont you two drop by?
JH: Sounds great. (hangs up)
CODY: Who was it?
JH: The almighty director. We've been invited to a party!
CODY: You mean part-EY.
They both get up and leave.
JH: Shut up. (glances at watch) Shit, I hope we didn't miss the blooper reel. I cant wait to see the clip of you accidentally walking into a tree.
INT. STAB 3 SET - PARTY - LATER
Your normal out-of-control party. Loud music. Alcohol. Food. Dancing. Etc. Everyone is having a good time.
INT. HALLWAY - STUDIOS - SAME
Parker Posey walks down a hallway and turns toward an office door and enters.
INT. RECEPTIONIST OFFICE
It's a large spacious office, and to a wall to the side are some cubby holes. Parker's cubby hole is the one on the far top. She reaches out for it, stretching, she isn't tall enough.
WILL KENNISON, the geeky writer, appears suddenly beside her, she gasps, but he just reaches up to grab what's inside her hole for her.
WILL: (handing it to her) There you go.
PARKER: Thanks, Will.
Its a bunch of envelopes. Containing Parker's paycheck, of course.
PARKER: (smiling) Hope it's a big one.
She turns around and begins to walk away. Will stops her by stepping in front of Sarah. She squints at him.
WILL: Um, I just wanna tell you that I'm really impressed with your role in Stab 3. You've been doing great.
PARKER: Why thank you Will, that's very nice.
Parker turns to the right, attempting to make a getaway there, but Will steps in front of her again.
WILL: I just think its a REALLY nice job.
PARKER: (becoming frustrated) I used to play Gale. They got some no-talent hack to play her instead. Now, I just play a bimbo who gets cut up in the first ten minutes, that's all.
She walks to the left of him, finally free, walking towards the door. Will turns to watch her leave.
WILL: You seem to specialize in playing bimbos, huh Parker?
Parker turns around, incensed.
PARKER: What is that supposed to mean.
WILL: (smiling perversely) I think you know what I mean. Whore. Slut. Two-dimensional little tramp. If we really were in a horror movie, you'd die the second you step out of that door.
PARKER: (shocked, a long pause) You ASSHOLE! (steps toward him and gives him a strong slap) Fucking bitch! (slaps him again)
Furious, she runs to the door and steps into the hallway. Will is just smiling.
INT. HALLWAY - EXT. OFFICE - SAME
Long and empty. Parker, still pissed, begins walking down the hall, IN THE BACKGROUND, we see Ghostface moving around and about. We just see him stepping about in a blur of black. Will might be right. Parker is cussing as she walks toward her dressing room.
INT. STAB 3 SET - PARTY
JH, Daniel and J. Smith.
JH: Bitchin party, man.
J. SMITH: Hey, where's Miss Posey?
DANIEL: Hmm.. I should call her.
JH: (to J. Smith) Hey, wanna dance?
J. SMITH: (ala Hallie in Scream 2) Hmm.. no, I wanna go dance with that broad shouldered, tall, mysterious looking man over there.
She winks at him and trots off elsewhere.
INT. HALLWAY - SAME
Parker goes up to the dressing room and takes out a key. She senses someone behind her.. she turns around…
JOSH DAVIDSON, in uniform, doing his rounds today.
JOSH: (tipping his hat) Good night, Miss Posey. Sorry, did I scare you?
PARKER: (taking a deep breath) No, I'm just edgy. I had a lot of coffee today. Good night to you too, John.
JOSH: It's JOSH.
PARKER: Oh… my mistake. I'm sorry.
JOSH: It's alright, ma'am.
He smiles at her, and goes into his office across from hers.
INT. JOSH'S OFFICE
He sits himself down at his chair, pulls the hat over his face, and begins to fall asleep.
INT. PARKER'S DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUING
Large and beautiful, much different from Angelina Tyler's dressing room. Parker is inside, brushing her hair, still a bit pissed about Will's rude comments.
Faster than you can say "this is a cliche", the portable phone rings. Parker hums to herself and picks up the phone.
PARKER: Parker Posey speaking.
DANIEL:(O.S.) Hey Parker, we're having a party over at the set. How come you aint here?
PARKER: I thought I'd just go home today. A bit tired.
DANIEL: (O.S.) Whatever you say. bye.
She hangs up. Parker gets up to go to the bathroom, when the portable phone rings again.
MAN: (V.O.) HELLO bitch!
Although its the killer, Parker makes out the voice as Will's.
PARKER: Listen, asshole, that is SEXUAL HARRASMENT and I'm going to call Kickbutt front desk..
MAN:(V.O.) I dont think you wanna do that.
PARKER: Afraid of getting arrested?
MAN: (V.O.) If they DO arrest me, it wont be because of sexual harassment-
Parker hangs up before he can finish. She throws her hairbrush down and is about to leave..
AND THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN.
PARKER: (grabbing and answering it) LISTEN, ASSHOLE!
MAN: (V.O.) No YOU listen, you dumb bitch! If you hang up on me again, you're going to die, just like your character!!
Although this is a takeoff of what was said in Scream… Parker doesn't treat it as a homage… she runs out of her dressing room.
MAN:(V.O.) And I don't think you wanna die, do you… BLONDIE?!
EXT. DRESSING ROOM - INT. HALLWAY
She closes her door and looks around. How can he see her? Parker opens the door opposite her hall. No one there. IN THE BACKGROUND the Killer lurks, walking from one side to another. Parker speaks into the phone as she opens a janitor's closet, trying not to show her fear.
PARKER: You're not very original. "Blondy" was used in Stab when he was killing Heather Graham!
MAN:(V.O.) I dont think its the originality that counts when it comes to sequels, Blondy.
PARKER: Will you stop calling me that? That isn't even my hair color.
She opens another door. An empty office.
MAN: (V.O.) Kill kill kill kill kill ah ah ah ah ah...
PARKER: STOP IT! I swear, if this is some sort of sick asinine joke.. you've had your fun. I'm a victim of your lame-ass prank. Good day, bitch!
MAN: (V.O.) Do you wanna d-
Parker hangs up on him and walks toward a room with an open door. Its dark and shadowy inside, with just a little light. She turns around, checking that no one's behind her.
She peers into the receptionist office window where she got her paycheck. She tries to spot the secretary… or Will.
HER POV -
cant see much.
INT. RECEPTIONIST OFFICE
Parker opens the door and silently marches inside. The secretary isn't there.
LOW ANGLE -
we're staring at the bottom of the secretary's table, to see her body laying under it, her throat slit. Parker walks right by the desk, not noticing.
THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN.
She answers, pissed.
PARKER: You're not scaring me.
MAN:(V.O.) Oh aren't I?
PARKER: (beat) Where are you?
MAN: (V.O.) Why, I'm in the same room as you… do you wanna die, Parker Posey?
Parker stops. Plays it cool. Looks all around her.
PARKER: Ok, fine. If you're REALLY in the same room as I am, why don't you show yourself?
Maybe regretting her words, she quickly grabs a pair of sharp looking scissors off the desk.
MAN:(V.O.) I thought you'd never ask.
Parker walks toward an attached waiting room. She isn't quite comfortable with the idea of opening it.
PARKER: Well… I'm waiting!
HE LEAPS OUT OF THE DOORWAY AND JUMPS AT PARKER!
She screams and tries to jab him with the scissors. Parker misses, and Ghostface withdraws his famous knife.
Parker takes off and runs out of the receptionist office.
INT. HALLWAY - SAME
And begins running like heck down the hall… toward her dressing room, but she sees Josh's office first. She pounds on it.
INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUING
He's in a deep sleep. You might as well label him deaf.
INT. HALLWAY - SAME
Ghostface runs toward her. She screams and takes off down the hall. Ghostface is close behind. He closes in on her within each heartbeat.
Parker stops once to smack the killer in the face with the phone. He stumbles back, momentarily dazed. Parker keeps going, trying various doors, all ironically locked.
Then, she turns around, attempting to stab him with the scissors. Ghostface shoves her sideways and she slams against the wall, dropping the scissors. She tries to grab them but the killer gets in her way.
Ghostface withdraws his knife and tries to strike her with it, he just ends up breaking a glass window on a door. Parker kicks Ghostface twice between the knees, which brings him to the floor.
Frantically, she reaches into the broken window and gropes the other side of the door, searching for the lock. She finds it, unlocks the door and runs inside.
INT. COSTUME ROOM - CONTINUING
Just as Parker runs inside she dashes right into a
Screaming, she stops herself. Its just a costume hanging on a rack. She runs deeper within the costume room, and sees an open closet with a bunch of ghostface costumes hanged neatly in a row.
Parker crawls inside and attempts to close the door, but doesn't close it all the way when she hears someone coming into the costume room. Holding her breath, she waits till the footsteps pass.
Hurriedly, Parker dials a number on the phone still clutched in her white-knuckled hand.
PARKER: Hello? Hello?
WOMAN: (V.O.) Front desk, how may I help you?
SUDDENLY The closet door is thrown open, Parker sees the feet stepping in front of her, she screams and drops the phone, which gets disconnected as it lands on the TALK button.
It's just WILL standing in front of the closet, still looking at her with a perverse smile.
WILL: Yo, gorgeous, what's with the Casey Becker/Cici Cooper sha bang? Practicing for your death scene?
PARKER: Leave me alone, you asshole!
She growls and picks up the phone. Anger replaces fear, as Parker pushes past Will and leaves the Prop room. Will looks toward her, smiling again, he turns to leave..
AND HE WALKS INTO A GHOSTFACE MANNIQUIN
He laughs, realizing he spooked himself.
WILL: Funny, funny, funny..
He inspects the 'mannequin'. It looks a bit real. Will scratches his chin, and reaches out to take off the mask..
WHEN THE *REAL* GHOSTFACE
appears behind him, knife raised. Before Will even had a chance, the cold hard steel slams into the back of his head, then withdraws.
Will grabs at the back of his head, gasping, choking, feeling an incredible HEADache (Haha). Ghostface tilts his head as he looks at him, then grabs his neck and shoves his knife into his throat fiercely.
He falls back on a table with fake knives, arms outstretched, dead. Ghostface leers over him and stabs him again and again.
INT. STAB 3 SET - PARTY
The party is raging on more.
DANIEL is dancing with J. Smith. Gale Weathers is gulping down the spiked punch. JH is fiddling with the music system.
INT. INT. HALLWAYS - SAME
Parker is running down the halls, checking doors. She bangs on them, yells, no one seems to be anywhere.
After continuous moments of walking around, she ends up back in front of the costume/prop room.
INT. COSTUME/PROP ROOM - CONTINUING
She peeks her head inside. Everything is quiet.
Becoming scared, she slowly inches into the room. All she can hear is a DRIPPING and faint MUSIC from the party in the Set.
PARKER: (walking in more) I hate you…
MAN:(V.O.) I hate you, too!
PARKER SPINS AROUND and screams. Ghostface comes rushing out of her from the closet. She runs, but trips over a rack of ghostface costumes. Parker sprawls out on the ground, the killer leaps over to her.
She scrambles to her feet just in time, missing the sharp end of the knife by a mere inch. Parker runs over to the table lined with fake knives, and runs to the other side, Ghostface on the opposite side.
PARKER: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Then, she throws her portable phone at him, he dodges it. She notices there's blood all over the table. We realize this is the table Will fell on in his death throes.
In a weak attempt to ward him off, she picks up a dozen of the fake knives and begins throwing them at him. Pissed off, Ghostface throws his knife at HER.
Screaming, she drops to the ground as the knife pins to the wall behind her. The killer drops to the ground, and sees PARKER on the floor at the other end.
He begins to crawl to her. She yells out and leaps onto the table.
A few feet away is Ghostface's knife stuck to the wall. She edges over to the end of the table, outreaching.. stretching.. straining to grab the knife, she's so close…
And she grabs it. Taking a deep breath, she peeks under the table. The killer isn't there!
GHOSTFACE appears behind her and grabs her by the hair. Parker yells out and jabs the knife forward.
It misses Ghostface, and he punches her and she falls off the table. So does the knife. Both of them reach out to grab it, she's just about to, when..
WILL'S GUTTED BODY
falls down from the rafters on the ceiling, right in front of PARKER! Blood, entrails, and yes, GUTS are spilling out of the gaping hole in his stomach. There are stab wounds all over his body.
Parker puts her hands over her mouth, her lunch rising, she lets out a weak scream and numbly begins running to a backdoor.
NEW ANGLE - Ghostface furiously kicks Will's body away and grabs the knife under him, and follows Parker.
Gasping and choking on her own terror, she nearly flies down the halls. She reaches the end of one. Parker runs into a door that's unlocked, but discovers its another janitor's closet.
Oh well, a hiding place is a hiding place. She's about to enter, when…
GHOSTFACE comes up beside her and slams the door back into its place. Parker screams. The knife is slashed toward her. She dodges it carefully and it goes slamming into a wall.
She takes off down the hall.
INT. SET - PARTY
Music blares LOUDLY, as everyone is having a relatively good time.
INT. HALLS - SAME
Parker comes upon the double doors, which lead to the party set. She frantically tries pulling them upon. She presses her ear to the door and hears the loud music. Instantly, she begins pounding on it, screaming.
INT. SET - PARTY
Music is on so loud, they cant hear Parker's screams, or her pounding on the doors.
JH and DANIEL are right near the door.
JH: Did you hear something?
DANIEL: I dunno.
JH: Did *I* hear something?
DANIEL: I dont know!
INT. HALLS - SAME
Just as Parker turns around, she sees Ghostface coming for her. She ducks instinctively as the killer thrusts his knife into the door, which was meant for her.
INT. SET - PARTY
ANGLE ON THE DOORS - as we see the blade stuck through them. Similar to the shot in Scream 2.
JH and Daniel turn the other way, before they can see this, and go off to the dance floor.
INT. HALLS - SAME
Parker grabs the door next to the doubledoors and rips it open. Stairs.
INT. STAIR WELL - CONTINUING
After running down about 3 flights of stairs, she stops next to a door in the landing, trying to catch her breath. Slowly, Parker sinks to her knees.. crying like heck. SHE LETS OUT A SCREAM.
INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - SAME
The geeky officer finally awakens at the sound of a scream. He quickly puts his hat back on his head, grabs his flashlight and goes to see what all the commotion is.
Parker looks around.. not believing what's happening to her. She doesn't see Ghostface anywhere.
HER POV -
she looks up at the 3 stories of stairs above her. Ghostface isn't there.
REVERSE.. Parker is confused. She looks every which way, when suddenly…
GHOSTFACE appears from the stairway and begins running down them, toward Parker. She runs over to the door next to her, and tries pulling it open. It's locked, and she fumbles to unlock it. No good, she's too scared.
Parker becomes frustrated and begins ramming the windows. In a burst of energy, she breaks the glass windows with her bare hands, reaches in, and tries to unlocks it from the other side…
JUST AS GHOSTFACE
reaches the bottom of the stairs.
is going hysterical. She cant find the lock. So, she reaches out and begins crawling through the glass.
grabs at her legs just as they disappear through the window. Ghostace crawls after her.
She ends up on a balcony. HER POV -- looking down, two stories, there's a large fountain.
GHOSTFACE is frantically clawing his way through the window. Its relatively small, and requires for someone skinny to crawl through, like Parker.
Through the door, Parker hears the killer punching the door in frustration.
There's a moment's silence. Parker is holding her breath, staring at the door, she backs up against the railing of the balcony. She stares down, she could jump..
There's absolutely no sound from the other side of the door. Slowly, she stands up on the balcony and prepares to jump through the fountain…
INT. STAIRWELL - DOOR
Ghostface takes out a pair of keys and unlocks the door, and rips it open!
Parker begins to loose balance, as Ghostface rips through the door. She screams. He grabs her by the neck and brings her back, she's kicking and screaming like heck.
He stabs her in the lower part of her throat, her eyes go wide.. her mouth open in speechless horror.. and pain. Ghostface throws her back onto the balcony.
She sees through the opened door into the stairwell, that JOSH is making his way down the stairs, flashlight abound.
Parker tries to scream, again and again.. but no sound comes from her mouth. Refusing to die.
Frustrated, she turns on her back, and sees the Killer coming for her. She lets out the faintest scream as he plunges the knife into her stomach a couple of times.
The killer picks her up by the neck and takes the knife and twists it into her back twice. Parker keeps trying to scream. Ghostface punches her in her face.
If only JOSH could just look through the open door to the balcony, he could see what was going on…
PARKER: No… (dying, trying to speak) NO…
Ghostface nods, almost as if saying "Yes". And with that, he makes one last stab, lodged in her heart, then, picks her up, and throws her over the balcony.
EXT. STUDIO LOT - FOUNTAIN - NIGHT
Parker falls, two stories from the balcony, and plunges back-first into the fountain. Water splashes all over the place. She is floating in the fountain, which is slowly becoming red…
EXT. NEWSTAND - DAY
ECU on Headliner -
TWO PEOPLE MISSING, PRESUMED DEAD…
Deputy SMG and Josh Davidson walk by, discussing things. WIDER ANGLE revealing we're on a street.
DEPUTY SMG: Ok, let's just review our suspects, who do we have so far?
CHIEF DAVIDSON: If you ask me, that Jon Hodges character just reeks of serial killer.
DEPUTY SMG: How so?
DAVIDSON: Well first of all, he's a huge horror movie buff.
DEPUTY SMG: Yah, well so is Cody Hamman, J. Smith and Daniel Strickland. That doesn't mean anything.
DAVIDSON: Well the four of them could be all in on it. All their horror freaked minds slipped on the psycho button, they teamed together, baddabing baddaboom, we have four different killers.
DEPUTY SMG: Hmm, four killers? That's a bit of a stretch.
DAVIDSON: Deputy, this person has already killed five people.
DEPUTY SMG: Five?
DAVIDSON: Jack, Martin, Roger, Angelina and Ms. Mason. The secretary. We found her with a slashed throat.
DEPUTY SMG: What about seven? Parker Posey and Will Kennison.
DAVIDSON: We don't know they're dead…
DEPUTY SMG: Why would the killer or killers kidnap two people and not murder them?
DAVIDSON: It is a bit of a stretch. (pause) So what were the results?
DEPUTY SMG: If you're referring to the blood tests, yeah, the blood found in the water fountain was Parker's.
DAVIDSON: (taking a large drag out of his cigarette) What other suspects do we have?
DEPUTY SMG: Uhh… J. Smith and Cody Hamman. But they both of alibis for Parker and Will's disappearances.
DAVIDSON: How about that Gale Weathers person?
DEPUTY SMG: I suppose. But what would her motive be?
DAVIDSON: Damned if I know. (another drag) If you ask me, the killer is someone we haven't seen yet… someone that's lurking around, someone that's sort of… (laughs) aha.. that's stupid.
DEPUTY SMG: C'mon chief, let's go get a snowcone.
They wander off down the streets. IN THE BG… guess who's been staring at them from behind a tree?
INT. POLICE STATION - OFFICE - LATER
JH, J, Cody, and Daniel sit themselves in the office, when Sheriff Burke, Deputy SMG, and Chief Davidson come inside.
BURKE: Well, we've been watching tapes of surveillance cameras, looking at phone bills, and we've come up with nothing.
DEPUTY SMG: The phone bills are basically saying all the calls have been made from office phones in the Studio.
DAVIDSON: We've also been trying to find some sort of pattern, which the killer used in Windsor, but apparently, he isn't using one here.
BURKE: We've layed it all down like this.
He points to a chalkboard, where all the victims are listed:
ROGER L. JACKSON
DANIEL: Why is Parker and Will up there?
BURKE: Let's just assume they're dead, son.
J: Uh huh.
DAVIDSON: Maybe the killer is trying to 'break the rules' which the Woodsboro and Windsor movies have already established. Like killing four people as the "opening scene".
J: Yeah, but how would that explain the disappearance of Parker Posey and Will Kennison? (under her breath) Bonehead.
DEPUTY SMG: Bear with us, ma'am, we're doing the best we can. We got -
JH: (mimicking him) LAPD, FBI and the CIA on the case, blah blah blah..
Deputy SMG momentarily glares at him.
BURKE: (puts a hand on Josh's shoulder) You said you were the last one who saw Parker before she disappeared?
DAVIDSON: (sadly) Yes. It's a shame. She's a real nice girl, too.
BURKE: (suspiciously) And it's strange, because none of you punks haven't received a single phone call from the killer yet.
ANGLE ON EVERYONE
CODY: What do you mean by that? You brought us here to call us killers? The minute you find one.. or everyone here standing over a dead body with a knife, I suggest you treat us with the dignity and respect that every innocent citizen should receive.
BURKE: (ahem) Thank you, that should be everything.
EXT. POLICE STATION - LATER
Everyone is walking out. J. Smith and JH wave g'bye to Daniel and Cody as they get into Daniel's convertible and drive off.
J: You know who I think the killer is?
JH: Enlighten me.
J: It's probably Deputy-Dewey-boy! Think about it. I mean, he's so innocent and 'sweet', it's a great possibility he's covering it up and has been helping with the past two slashings- and besides, where the hell is he?
JH: Uh.. he died in the Hospital a couple years back. ('Huh?' stares from J) He had several brutal punctures to the back, sure, he seemed ok when they wheeled him into the ambulance, but he died on the spot when he got there. Why do you think Gale is even more heartless then she was in Windsor?
J: I guess that WOULD explain it. Who do YOU think the killer is, Obi Wan?
JH: Well, my in-experienced apprentice -(gets smacked by her)- Ow - I do believe the killer is the all-too obvious Daniel Strickland.
J: Huh? Aren't you guys friends?
JH: Yah, and I do believe Sidney Prescott and Billy Loomis were going out! An unexplained rule, J - SUSPECT EVERYBODY.
J: Suspect everybody?
JH: Ok, first of all---
J: Oh please, don't bore me with another one of your 'Prom Night' lectures. Ok, so the killer was Jamie Lee Curtis' brother, big sob. Frankly, I don't CARE who the killer is, I just don't want to be around when he reveals himself.
JH: Why not?
J: HELLO! The killer always kills the most people during the climax. It's called 'Friday The 13th Part 2'.
JH: He might have you planned as a victim before the moment of truth is revealed.
J: Why do you think it's a HE?
JH: Well --
J: (interrupting him again) --and don't give me any of that 'Serial killers are primarily white males' crap, can you say 'CANDYMAN' or 'BASIC INSTINCT'?
JH: Ok! Ok! I guess you got me there. Besides, this IS the third set of killings. The man (gets glared down by J).. or woman behind the mask could be anyone.
They walk toward the street where JH's car is parked.
JH: Need a ride home?
J: Nah, I was planning to go by Kickbutt Studios before they close it.
JH: They're closing it?
JH gets in his car, waves to J and drives off. J walks down the street when her cell phone rings.
J: (answering it while still walking) Yes?
MAN:(V.O.) Hello, J.
J: Who is this?
MAN: (V.O.) I'll give you one guess.
J slowly stops. She looks around, she is right outside a small little mini-mall, and its packed with teens.
J: Where are you?
MAN:(V.O.) I am everywhere.
She looks around for help.
J: How nice, a god complex.
J spots a police car with an officer in it parked at the mini-mall.
MAN: (V.O.) This ain't how we play the game..
J: (getting testy) Yeah? Well I got news for you. I don't play games.
MAN: (V.O.) You're pretty when you're angry.
She begins running toward the police car.
MAN: (V.O.) Stay away from the cop.
A warning. J stops cold. Tries to play it cool.. she looks around her. Teens are littered all over the place.
J: What do you want from me?
MAN: (V.O.) Do you like scary movies?
J: Ugh, like THAT line has never been said before. Mind calling me back when you can say something a bit more original?
MAN:(V.O.) Now, now, J, let's not say things we don't mean. I could get a bit knife happy.
J: Yeah? I call your bluff.
SOMEONE SMASHES INTO HER FROM BEHIND
and she screams. It's just a girl and her friend playing Frisbee.
J: Watch it!
She runs off.
MAN: (V.O.) Aw.. am I scaring you? I thought I was 'unoriginal'.
J: You know what? I've had enough of this, I'm hanging up.
MAN: (V.O.) Watch your back. (dial tone)
J turns around and runs RIGHT INTO Josh Davidson. They both GASP.
INT. DANIEL'S CAR - MOVING SHOT - A LITTLE LATER
Daniel sits in front, driving, Cody in the passenger seat, and JH in the back, idly staring out the window.
JH: Hey, why dont we drop by the studio?
DANIEL: Uh.. I think they closed it.
JH: I think I left my keys and a six pack in my office.
CODY: Jesus, you leave everything in your office.
JH: Besides, J said she'd be there. C'mon! Let's go. We could sneak around and sabotage the set.
EXT. KICKBUTT STUDIOS - LATER
The three of them approach the double glass doors and peer inside. Everything's dark.
DANIEL: What if the police come by?
JH: You can just tell them you were getting one last look. Besides, you're the director.
CODY: Ya know, for a Hollywood studio, its pretty small.
DANIEL: It's not a 'Hollywood' studio, its an independent studio. (peering inside) How are we gonna get in? I dont have the keys..
JH ignores him and smashes a window around the building.
JH: You guys are total willies.
INT. KICKBUTT FRONT DESK
JH, Cody and Daniel go searching.
CODY: Where are the keys?
Daniel goes to switch on the light.
DANIEL: I swear man, if we get caught, or if Mr. Yerniestien catches us...
JH: That dumb-ass President/CEO guy couldn't catch a cold. (finds the right key in the receptionist desk) Aha.
He moves toward the entrance door and inserts the key.
INT. OFFICE FLOORS - SAME
The elevator 'dings', parts, and they step out, peering into the dark hallways.
DANIEL: So, where's your office?
JH: Right here.
He goes across the hall and opens his door.
INT. JH'S OFFICE
A mess. JH scrounges around, when a loud POLICE SIREN blares in the distance.
CODY: Oh shi...
DANIEL: Yo man, we're out of here. You coming?
JH: No, I gotta find my keys..
Cody and Daniel shrug at each other and bolt out of his office, into the elevator, through the window, out of the building, to their car..
He looks around some more.
The hall right outside JH'S office is silent, except for...
INT. JH'S OFFICE
He gets down on his knees and checks under his desk.
Slowly, he hears the footsteps. Shit! He frantically crawls under his desk.
It's actually DEPUTY SMG, flashlight in hand, making sure the place is tight, secure, and empty.
He grabs his CB radio and speaks in.
DEPUTY SMG: (into radio) Area secure, I--
grabs him from behind covering his mouth!
SMG drops his radio to the floor.
INT. JH'S OFFICE
Still under his desk, listening. He peers out from under his desk, to the small window on his door. He sees a struggle outside, but cant see exactly what's going on.
SMG tries to scream out, but cant, its hopeless. The killer brandishes his long, sharp blade, it pierces into SMG's back again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again...
INT. JH'S OFFICE
JH crawls out from under his desk and puts his ear to the door. He hears someone fall outside with a THUMP, then he hears footsteps approaching his door. Incensed, JH crawls like hell to his desk and hides under.
HIS LOW POV -
from under the desk, he cant see much. He sees the door opening, and feet with black boots walking inside, with the familiar BLACK ROBE dangling around the feet..
JH's eyes bulge out. He slowly peeks his head from under the desk... AND SEES THE KILLER IS INSIDE HIS OFFICE!
He nearly screams out, but instead, withdraws his head back under his desk, his heart pounding in his throat.. he holds his breath.. waiting for the killer to finish.
he looks around. Looks like no one is here. Slowly, he(or she) turns and steps out of the office.
hearing the doorclose, he slumps against the desk, gasping for air..
INT. JOSH DAVIDSON'S CAR - MOVING SHOT - SAME
Josh is courteously driving J home. Its night outside.
He rounds a corner, and approaches a large street toward J's large house.
JOSH: Just remember, dont engage in conversation with him, find help immediately.
J: Yeah, yeah..
He drives up on her driveway. She unbuckles her seatbelt.
J: Thank you for the ride, chief.
JOSH: Yeah, ok. um.. (fishes out a piece of paper out of his jacket) If he calls you at your home, call this number (hands it to her) and I'll do my best to track down the number, or the location of the call. But remember to call it on another line.
J: (smiling, putting the paper in her pocket) Thank you.
JOSH: My pleasure.
She steps out, and waves to him as he drives out. Turning back to her house, she walks up the steps.
J: (under her breath) Geek.
INT. DANIEL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME
Daniel and Cody are sitting there, gorging on popcorn, watching STAB 2.
Its the opening scene. Hallie Barrie and Taye Diggs sit in a crowded, excited theatre.
HALLIE BARRIE: Man, why do we have to watch this stupid white movie where stupid white people get cut the shit up?
TAYE DIGGS: I dunno, but I got a stiffy. HEHEHEHEHEEE. HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. I am the epitome of stereo-typical horny males. HAHAHEHEHEAHAHA.
ON THE MOVIE SCREEN IN THE TV SCREEN OF STAB 2 (follow me so far?)
Alicia Silverstone runs through her large house as someone in a red Ghostface costume chases after her with a large-double-sided-axe.
HALLIE BARRIE: Give me some damn money. I'm gonna get me some white-ass popcorn god damn it shit fuck cunt fuck shit ass piss dyke!
TAYE DIGGS: No, bitch!
A person in a ghostface costume sitting in a seat behind them stabs Taye Diggs in the ear. Hallie Barrie screams, but her scream is matched with dozens of others in the audience. She tries to run but a second Ghostface comes beside her and stabs her repeatedly in the heart.
PERSON: Watch it! You're getting blood in my popcorn.
ON DANIEL AND CODY
CODY: Is that what really happened?
DANIEL: Well, if its on video, I suppose it IS real.
CODY: You know, this is one of J's favorite movies, why dont we invite her over?
INT. J'S HOUSE
She's curled up on her couch with a bottle of Tequila, watching The Powerpuff Girls.
BLOSSOM: (on tv) Hurry! MojoJojo is attacking Townsville!!!
THE PHONE RINGS, she stretches to pick it up.
J: (into phone) I'm about to get pissed-drunk, this better be important.
CODY: (V.O.) It's Cody.
CODY: (V.O.) We're watching Stab 2, wanna come over?
J: Nah. I'm gonna stay in tonight.
CODY: (V.O.) Alright.. whatever you say.
INT. DANIEL'S LIVING ROOM
Cody puts back the phone.
CODY: She cant come.
DANIEL: Uh huh.
Tori Spelling and Young-Black-Actress are in their dorm room, watching the aftermath of the opening scene on tv.
TORI SPELLING: Like, omigawd, I cant believe this is happening again! (melodramatically) NO! I better go get Randy!
Young-Black-Actress watches as she runs away crying.
The scene CUTS TO outside the dorm where Tori Spelling and 'Randy' Seth Green are talking.
SETH GREEN: You are worrying over nothing Sidney, the murders have NOTHING to do with us! Just get over it, that's life!!
TORI SPELLING: I CANT get over it Randy.. two people were stabbed like heck while watching a movie which is telling the whole world what happened in Woodsboro!! I just cant handle it! (runs away crying.. again)
SETH GREEN: ...sequels suck.