Part 1: November 1st
[We open on Skid Row. Joe Chappelle is spitting at all of the poor people.]
Joe: Take that Poor Dude! Oh, hello. This is my new original film. I have not ripped anything off! Nothing at all! It is all mine mine MINE!
[All of the poor people gather around Joe to beat him up.]
Joe: Uh... Uh... I HAVE TO GO BY!!!
[The opening credits are shown in the exact same way as Halloween 1 except the pumpkin is replaced with a Thanksgiving Day turkey. We zoom into the stuffing hole and we cut to The Myers' House living room. Judith is talking to her boyfriend.]
Boyfriend: Let's go upstairs!
Judith: OK! But first I'd better brush my hair!
[She takes out a brush.]
Boyfriend: Look, we need to talk.
Judith: What's wrong?
Boyfriend: We need to talk about the brush. I mean, you're always combing your hair. You never stop.
Judith: And the problem is...
[They continue talking about hair care as a POV walks in gets a turkey baster from the kitchen. The POV walks into the living room and kills everyone in the room who have now shown up for an intervention about the too much hair brushing thing. Fifteen years later, Loomis and the nurse are driving to get Michael like in H1. The nurse complains that Michael is all the Loomis ever thinks about.]
Loomis: What's so wrong with that?
Nurse: Well, I took this job so I could meat you, but you're getting on my nerves.
Loomis: Really! You came here to meat me! That's nice but if I ven stop thinking about him for a split second he'll escape!
Nurse: Are you gay or something?
[Loomis stops thinking about Michael for a split second and just then, Michael pops up and steals the car.]
Loomis: I told you!
[The next day, Phelps is driving his truck. A man is in the passenger seat wearing a Captain Kirk mask. Just then Mr. Spock teleports in.]
Spock: Hello, may I borrow that mask?
Man: You're not Spock!
Spock: Of course I am you little prick!
[Spock tries to convince everyone that he IS Spock by doing that finger thing Spock always does. Then, the real Spock beams in. There is a laser battle until the original Spock's mask flies off to reveal Joe Chappelle.]
Joe: Look you FUCKS! Give me that mask! I'm trying to make a movie!
[He eventually gets the mask and hands it to Michael.]
Joe: Now stab Phelps to death!
[Meanwhile, on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Nancy Kyes is being interviewed.]
Conan: So, you were strangled in the original Halloween and then you just sorta' disappeared. WHAT HAPPEND?!
Nancy: Well, I thought I'd just settle down and do nothing.
[Joe Chappelle runs out of the audience.]
Joe: Boy do I have a job for you!
Nancy: THANK GOD! I'LL TAKE ANYTHING!
Conan: You can't just come up here!
[Joe stabs Conan to death and takes out his cam-corder.]
Joe: Michael! She's taking the job!
[Michael appears and stabs nancy to death as Joe films it with his cam-corder. Spock teleports in and begins hosting the show.]
Spock: Our next guest played William Riker in... JONATHAN FRAKES! HE COULDN'T ACT HIS WAY NEUTRON NEBULA!
[There is little fight between Frakes in Spock which ends in Spock decapitating Frakes. The entire claps and applauds as Michael kills the band. The are riots and hysteria.]
The End of Part 1
I hope you enjoyed it. I leave you now with scenes that Joe Chappelle edited out of this documentary.
Edited Scene 1: A Merchandise Meeting
[Bob from H1 shows the merchandise he has come up with to be approved by Joe.]
Bob: What do you think of the phone?
Joe: I think you should re-make it. This time make it in he shape of me.
[Joe yells at Bob for everything not being in the shape of himself. Michael shows up and stabs Bob to death.]
Scene 2: Grave Yard
[Michael and Joe dig up Donald Pleasance and brings him back to life.]
[Donald attacks Joe and kills him. All of the corpses applaud. Joe took the applause from the corpses and dubbed it onto the Conan scene.]
Scene 3: Joe's Evil Laboratory
[Joe perfects reanimation of dead people. He reanimates Donal againd but even though he doesn't need brains anymore, he still kills Joe. More applause.